The 3 G's...Gifts, Grief, and Ma's Guitar in the Key of Gregg Hall

📸Valerie P. Wood

Ma's gone. 

Her smile, her laughter, her stubbornness, her stories, her music, her feistiness and zest for life...all gone. Yes, of course, she's still with us in memories and maybe some ethereal visits (where ya been, Ma?!), and in all of us who she influenced in one way or another. But, her house is empty now and our time together in this life is over. 

And it all happened too damned fast. 

Looking back, I can now clearly see she was in transition out of this life at least three days before her death on January 28, 2024, probably much longer. I wish I could have allowed myself to see, to accept what was happening, and to have been more present with her during those last days. "They" say everything happens just as it needs to for where we are on our journeys. Based on my anecdotal research, I think "they" just might be onto something.

So much more than Ma's presence has disappeared from my life. Anxiety, illusions, people, expectations, denial, pain...a list of unexpectedly sad departures.  Thankfully, I was given a most appropriate circumstance for the tremendous grief that came in like tidal wave after tidal wave. I had just lost my Ma on the heels of my dad's passing, prefaced by several years of acute stress and personal upheaval. I had lots to grieve, I just didn't know how far beyond the obvious sources of that grief I would have to go. My God...so much to acknowledge, to accept, to process, and to release. 

And with all that I released, I opened up space for some truly wondrous gifts! 

As fate would have it, I had just taken Ma's guitar to be fixed by the talented folks at Dave's Guitar in La Crosse, WI, a few weeks prior to her death. 

"Now, there's no rush on this. It means a lot to our family and I just want it done right." I said as I dropped her Melody Maker off for some TLC. 

I was shocked to have to call not even two weeks later to say that indeed, there now was a rush, as I wanted Ma's guitar to be played at her funeral service. Whether it was because they remembered Ma from when she used to frequent their dumpster for tossed boxes during her eBay power-selling days, or because I called with my quivering voice having to tell yet another person that my Ma had died, Dave's Guitar friends had it ready for me in a few days.

Well then, who is to play Ma's guitar at her service? I didn't know who to ask, mainly because I wanted it to sound like Ma, and no one will ever sound like Ma. Can you ask your new rockstar friend to play How Great Thou Art and In the Garden on your Ma's guitar at her funeral service? Turns out, yes, yes you can!

"I got you. When is it?" Gregg Hall responded immediately when I messaged him with my request. 

I cried with joy and relief. Gregg shared that he had just played a blues version of How Great Thou Art at his aunt's funeral a few weeks before I contacted him about Ma. 

"He may not play like Ma", I thought, "but he will sure do her justice with his own amazing style and talent". 

And my God, did he ever. Although every cell in my body wanted to jump up and applaud his renditions of How Great Thou Art and In the Garden (along with everyone else in attendance), the former Catholic in me kept my tush on the pew, and my hands in my lap. When I was a kid, I absolutely LOVED to hear Ma and Aunt Doris play those songs together during the Guitar Mass. What a gift to find I could love those songs just as much coming from my dear friend and outlaw country rocker, Gregg "Cheech" Hall! 

During her brief stay in the hospital a few weeks before she passed, Ma and I had a little time to catch up. I loved to listen to Ma tell her stories from childhood, but this visit she wanted to hear about things going on in my life. I told her about my kiddos, my business, and the lovely souls who have stuck with me through the toughest year of my life. I shared my vision and progress on the radio station I'm creating with the help of good people like Gregg Hall and our friends at Happy Productions Studios, and Ma said aloud what I think on the daily, "Isn't it nice to be around good people?!"

"Yeah Ma, it sure is", then I showed her a picture of Cheech. 

"Oh my, he is a guitar player, isn't he?!" she said with a big smile and sparkly eyes, no doubt wishing she could play a song or two with him. The two never met, but I know Ma would have loved for Gregg Hall to play her guitar. She would have delighted in his love of music and his willing spirit. Ma celebrated anyone who puts themselves out there and works hard, especially in terms of making music. She believed it was their gift to be shared!

Inspiration for Ma's eulogy was the final gift I received in the days surrounding her death. I sat outside of my shop in the early morning hours on the day of her funeral to practice my tribute to Ma, which I had only just written a few hours before. I couldn't get through more than a few lines without crying...like howling, sobbing from places deep within I didn't even know existed. 

"Ma!" I exclaimed, "You've got to help me get through this! My words are my gift to you and everyone who is coming to show they love you. Please help me honor you today."

Just like all of us who showed up to honor Ma on the day of her service, Ma showed up for me. I had no more tears. I delivered a beautiful tribute I am so grateful to have received the inspiration for at the 11th hour, no less! I felt complete and utter joy throughout the entire mass, the school bus ride to the cemetery, and while visiting with everyone who came to remember Ma. My Ma was a sacred rebel who lives on within me and all who loved her.

In Loving Memory of Dolorous Marie Heffner

📸Valerie P. Wood

📸Valerie P. Wood

Well, this video is a little rough, but is a present-day snippit of the cassette tape recordings of the sing-alongs at all of our family gatherings. Ma is on the piano, Aunt Doris, Aunt Shirley, Uncle Bob. September 30, 2018.

My Dark Night of the Soul Journey was necessary to reach where I am today. While I am still working through the residue of a lifetime of beliefs and behaviors that no longer serve me, I am so grateful to be the most authentic version of myself I have ever known. If you're curious, please join me at the beginning of this adventure of me. It has been a journey worth taking, for sure!

Trempealeau Mountain Music...Where It Really Began

Growing up, our ancestry was a prominent topic at family gatherings and in everyday conversations. My great-great-grandfather, Antoine Grignon, a half-Native American, half-white man, was an explorer, fur-trader, U.S. Army servant, documentarian, story-teller, adventurer, and was one of the first settlers in Trempealeau. He is of great importance in our family’s history. Until embarking on this passion project, Trempealeau Mountain Music, I thought he was the most important player in our history, with tremendous influence on his descendants and this place in which we are deeply rooted.

I was wrong! While Antoine Grignon certainly contributed to the people we are today, the individuals who have been the greatest influence in shaping who I am today are the women of my family. Story-tellers, musicians, survivors, joy-makers, hard workers, and even dreamers, the women of my family have carried heavy burdens, lightened by the camaraderie of music, stories, and laughter. I grew up with sing-alongs at every family gathering, stories of people I never met, but who meant a lot to me. I am grateful for the women of my family, my Ma especially. While I didn’t inherit her gifts as a musician, I did receive her love of music and story-telling, gifts I am grateful to share through the creation of Trempealeau Mountain Music: A Locally Curated, Universally Connected, Internet Radio Station. I can't wait to welcome TMM home to my place, in The Caboose at The Station, on Main Street in my hometown of Trempealeau, Wisconsin!

My Aunt Doris, a writer, reporter, photographer, singer, and all-around interesting lady, also very connected to our family’s history and legacy, has been a tremendous influence in my life and has provided the memories I needed to become the woman I am today. I was not around for many of the events in which our family’s memories were made, but are a huge piece of the fabric of my soul. I consider Aunt Doris my link to the truth of our family, the good, the bad, and the ugly. I am grateful for her following recollections of the “Shelterhouse Sing-Alongs”, which she and other women in our family created during the early 1970s. Even though I didn’t arrive Earth-side until 1978, some part of me was there with them then, and they remain with me as I gather the community of souls to bring Trempealeau Mountain Music to life now. Ma and Aunt Doris would say “God is so good”! I say thank you, from the bottom of my ever-lovin heart…I am so grateful for each and every one of you, the women, the leaders, of my family!

 

Shelterhouse Sing-Alongs

Recollections of Doris Deutsch

 Sometimes good things just happen without any planning. Dolorous Heffner, of Trempealeau, WI, loved to play her guitar so people could enjoy singing.  Pauline Kessler, also of Trempealeau, loved playing the piano so people could sing along.  But they didn’t have a place to join their talents and make music happen.

Around 1970, a strange thing happened. Doris Deutsch, Dolorous’s twin sister, decided to try operating the concession stand in the Shelterhouse at Perrot Park.  One evening Dolorous brought her guitar out to the park and they had fun singing with whoever stopped by.

This gave Dolorous an idea: With a piano, they could add cousin Pauline Kessler.  Good ideas come with good luck. Dolorous managed to exchange a portable dishwasher with a lady who had an upright she didn’t want, so now they had a piano! The next step was to get the piano to the park and that alone was “a small miracle”, Dolorous said.  They had a two-wheeled trailer that couldn’t stay balanced with the piano in the middle of it.  Took a long time, and many prayers, according to Dolorous, but it arrived at the Shelterhouse in good condition.

Then the third step was to find the sing-a-long slides and a projector.  Dolorous found a drive-through restaurant that was selling a set, so she bought them all, and a projector.  No one remembers the exact opening night, but it would have been about 7 p.m. on a Saturday in the summer of 1970.  The Saturday Shelterhouse Sing-Alongs became a favorite recreational event at Perrot Park.

The ladies took up a collection that paid for the slides, the occasional replacement projection bulb, and best of all, someone to tune the piano!  Pauline was not able to play in all keys because the piano had a few issues, but her talent on the keys made any shortcomings of the instrument unnoticeable!

Dolorous remembers the raucous laughter, the fun singing with many harmonizing, and the joy of families having fun long before hand-held screens separated them.  People came ready to share their own abilities, and their own musical instruments, including drums and a bagpipe - anything goes!  And go it did!  Carloads of people from the village came to join in the fun.

Shelterhouse Sing-Alongs on Saturday nights lasted from roughly 1970 to 1975, but five years is only a guess.  No one took notes or even photos, so there is no absolute correct account. This bit of remembrance embraces that time. A sing-along revival happened in the early 1990s when members of our California family spent the summers as "camp hosts" at Perrot State Park. Dolorous brought her same guitar, same amp, the projector, white sheet, and "shakey slides". Doris sang harmony and campers stopped in to sing-along or just listen. It was lovely in its own right, but not the same as the Shelterhouse days.

The trio, Doris, Dolorous, and Pauline share a common relative—Antoine Grignon, one of the earliest residents of Trempealeau, and a true Wisconsin historical figure.

So, here's our celebration of the future of Trempealeau Mountain Music at Perrot State Park! Please join us if you can, whether at our fundraiser show or at any stop down the tracks!