The 3 G's...Gifts, Grief, and Ma's Guitar in the Key of Gregg Hall

📸Valerie P. Wood

Ma's gone. 

Her smile, her laughter, her stubbornness, her stories, her music, her feistiness and zest for life...all gone. Yes, of course, she's still with us in memories and maybe some ethereal visits (where ya been, Ma?!), and in all of us who she influenced in one way or another. But, her house is empty now and our time together in this life is over. 

And it all happened too damned fast. 

Looking back, I can now clearly see she was in transition out of this life at least three days before her death on January 28, 2024, probably much longer. I wish I could have allowed myself to see, to accept what was happening, and to have been more present with her during those last days. "They" say everything happens just as it needs to for where we are on our journeys. Based on my anecdotal research, I think "they" just might be onto something.

So much more than Ma's presence has disappeared from my life. Anxiety, illusions, people, expectations, denial, pain...a list of unexpectedly sad departures.  Thankfully, I was given a most appropriate circumstance for the tremendous grief that came in like tidal wave after tidal wave. I had just lost my Ma on the heels of my dad's passing, prefaced by several years of acute stress and personal upheaval. I had lots to grieve, I just didn't know how far beyond the obvious sources of that grief I would have to go. My God...so much to acknowledge, to accept, to process, and to release. 

And with all that I released, I opened up space for some truly wondrous gifts! 

As fate would have it, I had just taken Ma's guitar to be fixed by the talented folks at Dave's Guitar in La Crosse, WI, a few weeks prior to her death. 

"Now, there's no rush on this. It means a lot to our family and I just want it done right." I said as I dropped her Melody Maker off for some TLC. 

I was shocked to have to call not even two weeks later to say that indeed, there now was a rush, as I wanted Ma's guitar to be played at her funeral service. Whether it was because they remembered Ma from when she used to frequent their dumpster for tossed boxes during her eBay power-selling days, or because I called with my quivering voice having to tell yet another person that my Ma had died, Dave's Guitar friends had it ready for me in a few days.

Well then, who is to play Ma's guitar at her service? I didn't know who to ask, mainly because I wanted it to sound like Ma, and no one will ever sound like Ma. Can you ask your new rockstar friend to play How Great Thou Art and In the Garden on your Ma's guitar at her funeral service? Turns out, yes, yes you can!

"I got you. When is it?" Gregg Hall responded immediately when I messaged him with my request. 

I cried with joy and relief. Gregg shared that he had just played a blues version of How Great Thou Art at his aunt's funeral a few weeks before I contacted him about Ma. 

"He may not play like Ma", I thought, "but he will sure do her justice with his own amazing style and talent". 

And my God, did he ever. Although every cell in my body wanted to jump up and applaud his renditions of How Great Thou Art and In the Garden (along with everyone else in attendance), the former Catholic in me kept my tush on the pew, and my hands in my lap. When I was a kid, I absolutely LOVED to hear Ma and Aunt Doris play those songs together during the Guitar Mass. What a gift to find I could love those songs just as much coming from my dear friend and outlaw country rocker, Gregg "Cheech" Hall! 

During her brief stay in the hospital a few weeks before she passed, Ma and I had a little time to catch up. I loved to listen to Ma tell her stories from childhood, but this visit she wanted to hear about things going on in my life. I told her about my kiddos, my business, and the lovely souls who have stuck with me through the toughest year of my life. I shared my vision and progress on the radio station I'm creating with the help of good people like Gregg Hall and our friends at Happy Productions Studios, and Ma said aloud what I think on the daily, "Isn't it nice to be around good people?!"

"Yeah Ma, it sure is", then I showed her a picture of Cheech. 

"Oh my, he is a guitar player, isn't he?!" she said with a big smile and sparkly eyes, no doubt wishing she could play a song or two with him. The two never met, but I know Ma would have loved for Gregg Hall to play her guitar. She would have delighted in his love of music and his willing spirit. Ma celebrated anyone who puts themselves out there and works hard, especially in terms of making music. She believed it was their gift to be shared!

Inspiration for Ma's eulogy was the final gift I received in the days surrounding her death. I sat outside of my shop in the early morning hours on the day of her funeral to practice my tribute to Ma, which I had only just written a few hours before. I couldn't get through more than a few lines without crying...like howling, sobbing from places deep within I didn't even know existed. 

"Ma!" I exclaimed, "You've got to help me get through this! My words are my gift to you and everyone who is coming to show they love you. Please help me honor you today."

Just like all of us who showed up to honor Ma on the day of her service, Ma showed up for me. I had no more tears. I delivered a beautiful tribute I am so grateful to have received the inspiration for at the 11th hour, no less! I felt complete and utter joy throughout the entire mass, the school bus ride to the cemetery, and while visiting with everyone who came to remember Ma. My Ma was a sacred rebel who lives on within me and all who loved her.

In Loving Memory of Dolorous Marie Heffner

📸Valerie P. Wood

📸Valerie P. Wood

Well, this video is a little rough, but is a present-day snippit of the cassette tape recordings of the sing-alongs at all of our family gatherings. Ma is on the piano, Aunt Doris, Aunt Shirley, Uncle Bob. September 30, 2018.

My Dark Night of the Soul Journey was necessary to reach where I am today. While I am still working through the residue of a lifetime of beliefs and behaviors that no longer serve me, I am so grateful to be the most authentic version of myself I have ever known. If you're curious, please join me at the beginning of this adventure of me. It has been a journey worth taking, for sure!